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NOTRE DAME ABOUT TO LOSE IN BOWL GAME

Notre Dame will fail to get their second legitimate MNC, their first since 1953, by getting blown out against the Alabama Crimson Tide. Notre Dame continues their historical losing in bowl games. This will not stop most Notre Dame fans from claiming a 24th national championship. The other 12 championships went to Army, Navy and Air Force, according to Notre Dame, because the world was at war, and these teams were stacked. Math? Not their strong point.

Roll Tide


JIM DELANEY OWNS NOTRE DAME

The B1G made Notre Dame's recent move from the Big East to the ACC a move back to the Big East again, as the ACC has started to break up. Notre Dame has rejected the B1G's offer to join them several times, and has instead moved from the Big East to the ACC for the unimportant sports, while getting to keep the NBC dollars. Jim Delaney decided instead to destroy the ACC, with Rutgers and Maryland leaving, with Florida State soon to follow.

When asked about recent conference realignment moves, Delaney said, "We have a much larger penis than Notre Dame does. We destroyed the Big East with our minds. We then destroyed the ACC. We will whip our dicks out against anyone, particularly the miniature leprechaun wiener of Notre Dame. Well, everyone except the elephant schlong of Mike Slive."

NOTRE DAME PROVES USC SUCKS

Notre Dame managed to master the obvious the other day in their annual battle with Southern Cal.

First, they managed to prove that Southern Cal sucks. How did anyone not know this? A 5 loss team? Sucks. Can't win without cheating? Sucks. And your bad is annoying too. They suck too.

Second, they managed to confirm that Lane Kiffin is Lame Kiffin, a lousy coach who showed Tennessee Volunteer fans to be idiots by getting angered at his departure from Knoxville. He may have a hot wife, but he sucks at clock management. He sucks at playcalling. He sucks at all strategic and tactical football decisions. But you go ahead, and deflate footballs! Did I mention his wife is freaking hot???

hottie
A hot piece of ass, and some guy in a purple shirt.


WAKE FOREST SHUTOUT BUT DELICIOUS

Wake Forest tried their best against Notre Dame but were ultimately unsuccessful, and Catholics won the recent battle against Baptists. Wake Forest tried to schedule this game between lunch and dinner, but instead of facing the Irish when they would be sated and not hungry, Notre Dame was nothing but hungry for a snack: cupcakes. Wake Forest miscalculated that cupcakes flown in from Wake Forest would not be as desired because they would not be as fresh. Notre Dame ate them up and these cupcakes put up no interference except being cloyingly sweet.

Here are some photographs from the game:




IT REALLY TOOK 3 OT TO BEAT A CRAPPY PITT TEAM!

Notre Dame shocked everyone by taking 3OT to beat a crappy Pitt team. This is the same Pitt team that lost by two touchdowns to Youngstown State - a YSU without the benefit of Jim Tressel's cheating.

Even though Pitt is lousy, they have a history of ruining MNC game appearances for their opponents. In 2007, Pitt managed to prevent mass couch burnings in Morgantown as they bested WVU. In 1981, Pitt managed to overcome a 14 point deficit to annihiliate the Nittany Lions 48-14, ruining a perfect season and a MNC appearance. Wait a second, Pitt lost that game, too.


CATHOLICISM BETTER THAN MORMONISM

Notre Dame burned down Temple Square before flying back to South Bend to beat BYU 17-14. Steve Young commented that "Quite frankly, this game should not have been played because Mormons do not work on Saturday. Why do you think it took me so long to beat out Montana? But I did, and BYU should beat ND. Our god is more powerful."

Brian Kelly, who really wishes he was Chip Kelly, commented that it was part of Notre Dame's scheduling easy opponents. "If we play them on Sunday, or Thursday, or perhaps Friday before sundown, they probably beat us by three touchdowns. But on Saturday, their god is lazy. Our's isn't."


NOTRE DAME LOSES TO STANFORD

Stanford managed the impossible, scoring two TDs against Notre Dame during one goal line possession. Mike Pereira, the former vice president of officiating for the NFL and current rules analyst for Fox Sports, gave his interpretation of the call on his Twitter account:

Pereira stated: "We have looked at ND/STA last play from every angle & feel that it is a TD. Progress was not ruled & runner was not down. Ball broke plane."

He then added: "Piece all the shots together. Field level shot from inside near the goal post shows the left elbow is not down before TD."

Pereira also noted: "The fact that the whistle may or may not have been blown is irrelevant. The play is reviewed and when the whistle blew has no bearing."

Lew Holts expressed his sadness for the blown call, "I am sad because it invalidates Notre Dame's place in the MNC game and would invalidate a perfect season should Alabama's plane crash."

TD


SANCTIONS HIT MIAMI AS THEY LOSE TO SHITTY TEAM

Notre Dame beat Miami 41-3, showing that the sanctions are really hurting Miami.

Nevin Shapiro's actions with the Hurricanes resulted in Miami being put on probation and losing scholarships. Until today, it had been assumed that Shapiro was a Miami booster. Not true, NotreDameSucks.org has learned. Shapiro is a good Italian name, so he is most likely Catholic. The Irish flag is orange, white and green. Shapiro is seen wearing these colors ubiquitously. And without the benefit of make up while in prison, Shapiro's form has reverted back to his normal state. NotreDameSucks.org acquired this prison photo of Shapiro from Ryan O'Reilly. And since Shapiro is 5'5", he really is a leprechaun.

Shapiro


EVERYONE LOSES; STADIUM DOESN'T IMPLODE

Notre Dame beat Michigan 13-6, but both teams destroyed the public at large, defeating their wish of death to the Notre Dame and Michigan football teams by having the stadium implode. Both Notre Dame and Michigan managed to continue their impressive 40 game winning streak against the public at large, by somehow preventing stadium implosions.

"We've had 20 games in Michigan," stated Notre Dame AD Jack Swarbick. "Given how rapidly their crappy cars fall apart, it is somewhat of a miracle that Michigan Stadium hasn't collapsed, especially since they only build things of crappy quality," he continued.

Michigan AD Dave BranDon replied, "We were too lazy to do structural engineering, so we just dug a bowl and put seats in. Now let me get back to helping wreck Blimpy Burger."


Notre Dame's Schedule Sucks

Not much else to say about the first three weeks. And I'm verbose.



Restaurant Stock Falls 80% in South Bend

Charlie Weis was fired in the typical
quinqennial Notre Dame liturgy where mediocrity is temporarily not accepted, where the ol' Gipper is resurrected and every good Irish-Catholic boy dreams of a season that ends with a winning season.

However, this round of delusional optimism has led to the devastation of the South Bend, Indiana, fast food industry. The Dairy Queen has faced their first unprofitable quarter in the past century, while Moe's Southwest Grill is facing certain bankruptcy, according to our sources.

Other local fast food places such as Polito's Pizzeria has indicated that their business is down substantially. "We're facing a decline of 95% of our lunch business and 87% of our dinner business."

Local eateries have formed an association to influence the choice of Notre Dame's new coach, and trying to get Mark Mangino, the current Kansas coach, hired as the new Irish coach.





Cathlolic Churches Increase Tithing: Buyout Imminent

Indiana Catholic churches have finished a successful autumn campaign to raise $18 million so that Notre Dame can buy out the contracts of Charlie Weis and his coaching staff.

While Hail Marys and rosary beads have been unsuccessful in turning around the pathetic Notre Dame football team, it is hoped that the infusion of cold, hard cash will turn around the Golden Domers.

When approached for comment, Pope Benedict XVI said "Uber was Sie sprechen? Ich bin aus Deutschland. Wir haben keine Idee welcher Fußball ist. Wir spielen nur homosexuellen 
Fußball."


George Leary Spruces Up Resume

George Leary has decided to continue lying on his resume, but only as it pertains to Notre Dame.

Leary said, "I would prefer staying in "Since UCF now has greater marquee value than Notre Dame,"Orlando. Plus, I would really like to win a bowl game sometime in my life."


NotreDameSucks.org Breaks Firing News

At NotreDameSucks.org, we were the first to break the news of Charlie Weis' firing, breaking the news almost a full year ahead of the firing. Here at NotreDameSucks.org, we commit to staying ahead of the curve and bringing you the pertinent Notre Dame news first.

Newsflash! Notre Dame still sucks!


Weis' Coaching Explained

Charlie Weis' coaching decisions finally have an explanation to them. Weis blew out his knee earlier this season as his body weight was too much to bear for his ligaments. Because doctors refused to operate on Weis because he is a lawsuit waiting to happen, his only alternative was to pop painkillers. Our reports have information that Weis has been popping so many Vicodins and Oxycontins that he has become addicted to opiates that have caused his coaching decisions to become even more questionable.



Notre Dame Shows Up Early for SC game

Notre Dame got confused and showed up early for the game against the Trojans on Saturday, getting into a pre-game fight with the Trojans. This shows the type of classy programs run by the epitome of class, Charlie Weis. Notre Dame left the field without incident and left the field with 28 minutes before the game, and were similarly tame during the actual game.


NotreDameSucks.org Report: Weis to be Fired

NotreDameSucks.org has learned from sources that Charlie Weis will be fired after the imminent loss to Southern California this Saturday.

The issue of a massive severance should not be an issue, as Notre Dame's endowment has invested large amounts in South Bend area food services companies, and has avoided the downturn that other enterprises have faced in this troubling economic climate.

Weis expressed displeasure about this decision, saying that he was worried about "eating healthy," and that stress causes him "not to eat enough."
Weis, 475 lbs., replaced Ty Willingham several years ago. His replacement has not been named, but it is expected to be Skip Holtz, Lew Holtz' son.


Notre Dame's Appearance at Caroline's Successful

Notre Dame's latest home game against Syracuse was held in the legendary comedy club Caroline's on Saturday. And in the spirit of the venue, the Notre Dame squad did not disappoint. They induced laughter from most everyone, losing 24-23 to the hapless Syracuse Orange, who are no longer Orangemen, but simply fruits.


Notre Dame Loses Snowball Fight

Notre Dame got into a snowball fight with its "fans" on Saturday and lost. Notre Dame made the mistake of basing its aerial attack on the wisdom of Charlie Weis and the arm of Jimmy Claussen. Given that their opponents were drunken fans who were completely uncoordinated, they stood no chance. This upset several Notre Dame players, who challenged their own students to fights.


Notre Dame Beats 1st Team with Winning Record

Notre Dame has beaten up on nothing but patsies this year. ND has wins against teams with a cumulative 18-46 record. The NotreDameSucks.org winning strategy of taking ND against teams with losing records on the moneyline has been very successful, like Charlie at an all-you-can-eat buffet. The winning team? Navy. And ND almost blew that.


Weis to Take Over Playcalling, Again

Charlie Weis has decided to take over offensive playcalling duties, citing Navy's "really easy defense." He also mentioned that the timing, coming off a shut out by Boston College would set him up for nothing but success.


Weis to Be Fired Soon

“I am very pleased with the progress we have made,” Jack Swarbrick told NotreDameSucks.org on Wednesday. “We are moving in the right direction.” Obviously, a vote of confidence in the world of sports precedes one thing: a new coach. Apparently, the progress they have made is in finding a new coach and that this represents the correct direction for Notre Dame.


BC stands for Better Catholics

Boston College shut out Notre Dame on Saturday, proving that they are better Catholics than Notre Dame.  Notre Dame jumped out to a 0-3 deficit when BC kicked a FG to open the scoring. Perennial Heistman candidate Jimmy Claussen connected with Eagle Paul Anderson on a 76 yard interception return that added to Notre Dame's deficit, and another BC TD sealed the deal. Boston College is now even in the all-time series with Notre Dame.



Wannstedt outcoaches someone

It took several years, but Dave Wannstedt managed to outcoache someone. All it took was patience and the wisdom to let Weis lose a game. Featuring wonderful playcalls where Charlie Weis went for it on 4th down with under a minute to go in a tie game, Notre Dame was lucky to get to overtime, where they managed to lose.

Notre Dame showed its incompetence in other areas besides football, as their sprinklers went off. Granted, ND needed the help of the elements, but since God isn't on their side, perhaps their groundskeeping crew was. Head groundskeeper Rudy Ruettiger had no comment when asked about the sprinklers going off, but he just started chanting "Rudy, Rudy, Rudy" for no good reason.



Win over Washington Helps Notre Dame's Racists

Notre Dame's win over hapless Washington helped racists in the Notre Dame nation justify firing Ty Willingham. Despite Notre Dame giving Weis an extension for lesser results than Ty Willingham achieved over the same time period and refusing to fire Weis despite the same amount of futility over the same period, some Notre Dame fans refuse to see the reality of things in black and white.


Notre Dame plays winning team and loses. Again.

Despite the best attempt of referees to hand Notre Dame a win, North Carolina defeated Notre Dame. Notre Dame hasn't beaten North Carolina on the road in 34 years.


Notre Dame beats Bad Stanford Team

Notre Dame beat Stanford 28-21 to give their fans the illusion of being a decent team. Those who realize that Stanford is another crappy team that Notre Dame was fortunate to schedule know otherwise. Notre Dame, in a rare bit of wisdom by pollsters, is not ranked.



Notre Dame beats Bad Purdue Team

Notre Dame beat Purdue 38-21 to give their fans the illusion of being a decent team. Those who realize that Purdue is another crappy team that Notre Dame was fortunate to schedule know otherwise. This win confirms what we already knew: Indiana is a basketball state, not a football state.




Notre Dame Destroyed by Sparty

The annual payback for Notre Dame's arrogance continued with the consistency of an annuity as Michigan State embarrassed Notre Dame 23-7. Pregame plans to plant a pot of gold at midfield in the rare event of a Notre Dame win were postponed until 2016.


Doctors refuse to operate on Weis

Doctors refuse to operate on Charlie Weis, despite a problem with his ACL, MCL, gastrointestinal system and his metabolism.

Certain doctors refused to operate on Weis citing worries that Charlie Weis was nothing but a lawsuit waiting to happen, as his previous stomach reduction surgery resulted in lawsuits despite Weis following doctors' orders.

Other doctors refused to operate on Weis, citing that they were not marine biologists, but doctors, and it was inappropriate for them to operate on whales.



Notre Dame Wins Bowl

Unfortunately, the "Asshole Coaches Bowl" is one of those informal bowls, so it won't stop Notre Dame from breaking their bowl losing streak. Coach Weis beat Coach Dick Rodriguez' team, 35-17. Fans cheering for the earthquake left disappointed in the result.



Notre Dame Struggles Against Pathetic SDSU

Notre Dame struggled against a SD State team that showed Notre Dame how they could be beaten by beating themselves in a 21-13 borefest on Saturday. This victory resulted in Notre Dame moving up from #1 in the AP poll to #1+++.



Weis Guarantees No Bowl Loss This Year

Charlie Weis in his post game press conference boldly predicted that Notre Dame would end its streak of losing bowl games this season. In a speech reminiscent of Joey Porter or Javorskie Lane guaranteeing victories, Charlie Weis said that losing bowl games was not acceptable and said "The buck stop here," pointing at himself.

When reporters questioned Weis whether a buck was referring to venison or some type of food, Weis surprisingly said it did not and said he was not pointing at his stomach.

Another reporter, who thought Weis was pointing at his wallet, thought he was referring to the insane contract that Notre Dame gave Weis.

After the confusion was cleared up, Weis reiterated his lofty guarantee.

Notre Dame Sublets Season to Baylor Bears

Notre Dame was supposed to play USC today, but the Tarnished Domers pulled a fast, getting a superior team to play in their stead. While the strategy of getting a superior team to play for you is sound, it did not work. USC destroyed Notre Dame at Waco in South Bend 38-0.

Others have criticized Notre Dame's decision on ethical grounds, saying their desire to be someone besides Notre Dame, while understandable, is fraudulent. Charlie Weis put down his video camera to respond: "It is a question of tradition. Notre Dame has a proud tradition of changing. We've changed our name to the Fighting Irish from the Terriers. There is no reason not to change to Baylor. Even though most of our fans claim three dozen championships, nobody was alive to remember any of them."



The New Notre Dame team playing Texas.


Boston College: the Mother Superior of Catholic Schools

Boston College continued its dominance as the best Catholic university playing BCS division football.

Notre Dame hasn't beaten Boston College in seven years, and Boston College has the superior record over the past decade. Boston College has actually won a bowl game during that time as well.

BC won easily despite the home-cooking, which penalized BC disproportionately. Boston College remains perfect at 7-0. Notre Dame is a perfect 0-3 at home.

Boston College's domination was recognized by His Holiness, Pope Benedictus XVI in a message to Boston College: 

"Boston Contraho est melior quam Notre Dame. Notre Dame ledo mihi."


Bud Light: Real Men of Genius - Hopeless ND fan


Eat One For the Gipper

The body of Gipper the Pig, a prize winning sow, was exhumed from an Indiana pet cemetery on Oct. 4, to follow up on a claim by Charlie Weis that they may be the owner of the pig. A sample of baby back ribs was taken, and Gipper was reburied on the same day.

A blue-ribbon sow for the Holts family, Gipper was slaughtered in 2007. The sow was then slowly pit-smoked in the ground, or "buried in the cemetery" as locals describe it. Charlie Weis, who authorized the exhumation said Thursday in a statement, "The eating of the body of the Gipper is of personal and private interest to our family and plumber. Please respect our wishes to keep this matter private."

Booster Admits to Steering Recruits to Irish

"Kuechenberg helped steer a pair of highly touted offensive line recruits to Notre Dame from St. Thomas Aquinas High School near his home in Florida and never received so much as a thank you from Weis.

"“I was very proud of my little role in influencing that,” Kuechenberg said. “You would think, it’s not like my name is Jack Jones. It’s not like he hasn’t heard of me. I spent 15 years in the big leagues. My feelings were hurt on that, and then all this now. He’s getting what he has earned.”
 
Boston Globe Story

Notre Dame Rises to #3 in the Polls

After the impressive win against UCLA and with many ranked teams getting upset on Saturday, Notre Dame skyrocketed to #3 in the polls. This caused much controversy. Irish fans were upset because they felt that ND should be ranked higher, citing that polls should reflect recent history. As ND student Ronald Gipp said, "Why aren't we ranked higher? Everyone who talks about our early season is concentrating on the past. You can't talk about the past. Notre Dame fans never talk about the past."

"Gutcheck Saturday" Dooms Bruins

ESPN's description of this Saturday's games as Gutcheck Saturday destroyed any hopes of a Bruin victory and the chances of a perfect season for Notre Dame.

ESPN's marketing wing came up with the brilliant idea of labeling today's games in order to come up with more viewers, but NotreDameSucks.org has discovered suspicious activity suggesting this was a convenient coincidence.

Once Gutcheck Saturday was announced, ND simply looked at the massive gut on Charlie Weis and knew they were going to win. The years of hard work, sacrifice of his body and persistence in eating developed by Weis allowed his gut to also develop. And with that Notre Dame was able to beat a UCLA team that missed their starting QB and was the victim of several questionable calls.

It Ain't Basketball, But What the Hell

Purdue beat Notre Dame 33-19 to prove in-state superiority of football. Charlie Weis refused to allow reporters into the locker room, but commented that: "We're 0-1, because we started a new season. Besides, basketball has always been more important than football in Indiana. We decided to allocate our practice time to practicing free throws. When I was in the NFL, we could spend as much time practicing as we wanted. We can't do that in college."

Notre Dame Continues Perfect Season

Notre Dame took a 7-0 lead against Michigan State and never looked back in routing Sparty as Notre Dame cruised to an easy 31-14 loss against Michigan State.

Notre Dame continued their offensive mastery as Heisman Trophy winner to be Jimmy Clausen did not throw an interception, while his counterpart Brian Hoyer threw one. This further shows the development of quarterbacks that Charlie Weis is known for.

And while Ty Willingham had a blemished 3-1 mark at this point in his third season, Weis has managed to keep a perfect 0-4 mark. Rumors have been swirling around South Bend that Notre Dame is on the verge of extending Weis' contract out until 2021.

Willingham to Blame for ND Denying Jones Transfer

Kevin White, Notre Dame athletic director indicated that Charlie Weis had nothing to do with denying Jones a transfer to Northern Illinois. In fact, Weis has denied having anything to do with the Notre Dame program since early August.

Notredamesucks.org is proud to break the story that Ty Willingham is indeed to blame for Jones being lied to. Since discovering that Weis had nothing to do with Notre Dame since August, the responsibility with Notre Dame football obviously results with the true coach before Weis, Ty Willingham. Did Willingham sign the papers releasing Jones from Notre Dame? No.

Willingham needs to stop interfering with Notre Dame by becoming more involved. And given his success at Washington, he should have the time to spend on lesser programs like Notre Dame.

The Ghosts of Notre Dame Show Up

Being a proud program, Notre Dame is able to conjur ghosts of the past, using their history to intimidate opponents. Today was another one of those days.

Using renowned psychic Uri Geller, Notre Dame was able to literally raise the dead in order to help them against Michigan. Geller, who was unfamiliar with football raised the spirit of Notre Dame coach Gerry Faust.

When confronted with the fact that Faust was not yet dead, Geller argued that "You are not spiritual enough! Notre Dame's play was reminiscient of 58-7, and I don't even know what that means!"

Notre Dame Continues to Roll At Michigan

Charlie Weis showed his genius once again by showing how brilliant his game plan was against Penn State, which kept things much closer than this week.

Notre Dame showed itself to be too ambitious, attempting complex offensive strategies with little chance of success. Yet Charlie Weis would not be deterred, calling these intricate plays over and over, with the expectation that Notre Dame should be able to execute these incredibly difficult plays where other professional teams could not. However, ND still had problems executing difficult plays like shotgun snaps. It was obviously a problem with Ty Willingham's recruits.

Ty Willingham's recruits were too overmatched with Weis' brilliant decision to install the fumblerooski offense. Where Weis' recruits would eventually score 5 TDs, the careless recruiting of Willingham led to 5 fumbles in the first half as Notre Dame lost another squeaker 38-0 to Michigan.

Notre Dame continues its streak towards perfection next week against Michigan State. Will Notre Dame score an offensive touchdown this season?

Charlie Weis Stops Stealing Signals

Weis admitted yesterday that Notre Dame had been stealing defensive signals, but had stopped stealing signals this year in accordance with various local religious customs.

Weis said "I don't think our offense will suffer from no longer stealing signs."

Demetrius Jones Transfers to Northern Illinois

QB Demetrius Jones transfers to Northern Illinois. Apparently, Jones was unhappy with Weis' hogging all the donuts at the Notre Dame breakfast trough. When asked to comment, Weis simply responded by pointing to his mouth that apparently was chewing food.

Jones is the second QB to transfer from ND this year. Apparently, young recruits get upset when they discover Charlie Weis has been lying to them. Evan Sharpley is expected to transfer in several weeks.

Not unsurprisingly, Jones was black, which leads to greater questions about racism at Notre Dame.

Notre Dame Dominates Penn State

Notre Dame grabbed three first half turnovers against an overmatched Penn State this past weekend, and cruised to a 31-10 loss against the Nittany Lions.

Led by outstanding freshman Jimmy Clausen, ND fought against a Nittany Lion defense that football expert Pat Hayden knew was easier than Georgia Tech. Hayden's expertise was proven true, as Notre Dame easily matched their offensive output that they had against Georgia Tech that they had against Penn State early in the game.

Notre Dame dominated other facets of the game as well. Inspired from a pre-game talk by golfer Tiger Woods, the ND rushing attack shot an even par, winding up with 0 yards rushing.

The Notre Dame rushing attack was not the only place where the Irish dominated. Notre Dame's punting was superb, and was much better than the Nittany Lion punting. The Notre Dame punting game averaged over 45 yards per punt.

The only question mark in this season with offensive genius Charlie Weis was whether the defense would match up to the offense. In two games, the defense has scored more points than the ND offense. It seems as though the only question mark between Notre Dame and their NCAA record 33rd national championship has been solved.

Notre Dame faces an overmatched Michigan next week.

Notre Dame proves Weis an Offensive Genius

Notre Dame opened up the 2007 season with an offensive explosion against those helpless heathens, Georgia Tech.

Notre Dame starting QB Demetrius Jones surpassed career highs in completions and passing yardage today as Notre Dame lost in a close game to Georgia Tech. Jones also played error-free ball, throwing no interceptions.

ND also showed a deep stable of quarterbacks. ND went to Evan Sharpley who was impressive, completing over 75% of his passes. Showing the same commitment to playing error free ball that Charlie Weis emphasizes, Sharpley threw zero interceptions.

Weis decided to let Georgia Tech get accustomed to playing the Notre Dame offensive juggernaut before putting future Heisman winner Jimmy Clausen into the fray. Clausen responded with perfection. He matched Jones' performance in setting new career highs in completions and yards passed, and tied his career high in TD passes. Like Sharpley, he completed over 80% of his passes.

Notre Dame travels to Penn State next week.

NFL Ignores Weis, Again

The NFL showed what they thought of Charlie Weis' football knowledge by drafting Brady Quinn #22 overall, well below where Charlie Weis had been pushing for.

The whoring by Charlie Weis was responsible for Cleveland Browns fans to begin "Don't Draft Brady Quinn" websites, because they feared Weis would convince the Browns to draft him with the Browns first selection. They should know that the only ones that need to fear Charlie Weis are donuts.

Pope Decommits From Notre Dame

Pope Benedict decommited from Notre Dame before signing with Boston College, further decimating Notre Dame's recruiting class.

Benedict, a placekicker, gained his experience playing soccer in Germany. He was ranked as a 2 star recruit.

After hearing the news, Charlie Weis went to Krispy Kreme. Then, he went to McDonald's. Then he commented to ESPN that he asked the Pope if he knew what commitment was, after he did the same to Little.

Then Notre Dame lured several players away from other schools.
Notre Dame victim of Gov't New Orleans Recovery Plan

Notre Dame football suffered another embarrassing defeat at the hands of a bowl opponent yesterday. Ordinarily, this is the normal case of affairs, as Notre Dame has a long history of ineptitude in bowl games.

However, the 2007 Sugar Bowl finds Notre Dame as the victim of forces it could not control, even though Notre Dame is the only institution that can control every situation. Notre Dame was the victim of a conspiracy to ensure that Louisiana-based teams perform well in sports in order to aid recovery from Hurricane Katrina.

The New Orleans Saints have seen a turnaround from being the worst team in the NFL to being one of the top teams in the NFL. Now we have the best college football team to ever play between the lines losing to a team from Louisiana? This conspiracy is almost too obvious to think that it is real. But it is, and Notre Dame's embarrassing loss is not their fault.

It is not the fault of Charlie Weis idiotically calling a fake punt inside his own territory. Obviously, the CIA was using some sort of technology to interrupt communications between the coaching staff and the players. It was not because Brady Quinn threw interception after interception - it was because of optical technologies that were employed to make purple and yellow look like blue and gold.

Let us hope that New Orleans will recover from Katrina, but what's good for Notre Dame is good for America - just ask Notre Dame. And because of this, these conspiracies must end.

Notre Dame Continues to Set NCAA Football Records

Notre Dame, in a game that will surely see them propelled atop the BCS standings, set a NCAA football record that surely won't be broken in the near future.

Taking advantage of timely coaching strategies to fake a punt, Notre Dame quickly got into the position they are so used to, by graciously letting LSU take the lead.

They then countered a missed FG and several poorly executed plays by LSU by throwing interceptions and getting blown away on the line of scrimmage. After letting LSU take advantage of their porous secondary, Notre Dame had all the ingredients for their record setting performance.

9 straight bowl losses indicates how great Notre Dame football is.

Recipe for Notre Dame Cookies

Notre Dame Cookies are a culinary delicacy, first created with the establishment of the college football Bowl Championship Series. The Series, or BCS, established a framework which permitted the Notre Dame Fighting Irish to be invited to participate in major bowl games despite not having the record, nor the talent, to justify this participation. (more)

FATTY!!!


Losers!

Punt, goddamnit!