Notre Dame will fail to
get
their second legitimate MNC, their first
since 1953, by getting blown out against the Alabama Crimson Tide.
Notre Dame continues their historical losing in bowl games. This will
not stop most Notre Dame fans from claiming a 24th national
championship. The other 12 championships went to Army, Navy and Air
Force, according to Notre Dame, because the world was at war, and these
teams were stacked. Math? Not their strong point.
JIM
DELANEY OWNS NOTRE DAME
The B1G made Notre Dame's recent move from the Big East to the ACC a
move back to the Big East again, as the ACC has started to break up.
Notre Dame has rejected the B1G's offer to join them several
times, and has instead moved from the Big East to the ACC for the
unimportant sports, while getting to keep the NBC dollars. Jim Delaney
decided instead to destroy the ACC, with Rutgers and Maryland leaving,
with Florida State soon to follow.
When asked about recent conference realignment moves, Delaney said, "We
have a much larger penis than Notre Dame does. We destroyed the Big
East with our minds. We then destroyed the ACC. We will whip our dicks
out against anyone, particularly the miniature leprechaun wiener of
Notre Dame. Well, everyone except the elephant schlong of Mike Slive."
NOTRE
DAME PROVES USC SUCKS Notre Dame managed to master the
obvious the other day in their annual battle with Southern Cal.
First, they managed to prove that Southern Cal sucks. How did anyone
not know this? A 5 loss team? Sucks. Can't win without cheating? Sucks.
And your bad is annoying too. They suck too.
Second, they managed to confirm that Lane Kiffin is Lame Kiffin, a
lousy coach who showed Tennessee Volunteer fans to be idiots by getting
angered at his departure from Knoxville. He may have a hot wife, but he
sucks at clock management. He sucks at playcalling. He sucks at all
strategic and tactical football decisions. But you go ahead, and
deflate footballs! Did I mention his wife is freaking hot???
A
hot piece of ass, and some guy in a purple shirt.
WAKE
FOREST SHUTOUT BUT
DELICIOUS
Wake Forest tried their best against Notre Dame but were ultimately
unsuccessful, and Catholics won the recent battle against Baptists.
Wake Forest tried to schedule this game between lunch and dinner, but
instead of facing the Irish when they would be sated and not hungry,
Notre Dame was nothing but hungry for a snack: cupcakes. Wake Forest
miscalculated that cupcakes flown in from Wake Forest would not be as
desired because they would not be as fresh. Notre Dame ate them up and
these cupcakes put up no interference except being cloyingly sweet.
Here are some photographs from the game:
IT
REALLY TOOK 3 OT TO BEAT
A CRAPPY PITT TEAM!
Notre Dame shocked everyone by taking 3OT to beat a crappy Pitt team.
This is the same Pitt team that lost by two touchdowns to Youngstown
State - a YSU without the benefit of Jim Tressel's cheating.
Even though Pitt is lousy, they have a history of ruining MNC game
appearances for their opponents. In 2007, Pitt managed to prevent mass
couch burnings in Morgantown as they bested WVU. In 1981, Pitt managed
to overcome a 14 point deficit to annihiliate the Nittany Lions 48-14,
ruining a perfect season and a MNC appearance. Wait a second, Pitt lost
that game, too. CATHOLICISM
BETTER THAN
MORMONISM
Notre Dame burned down Temple Square before flying back to South Bend
to beat BYU 17-14. Steve Young commented that "Quite frankly, this game
should not have been played because Mormons do not work on Saturday.
Why do you think it took me so long to beat out Montana? But I did, and
BYU should beat ND. Our god is more powerful."
Brian Kelly, who really wishes he was Chip Kelly, commented that it was
part of Notre Dame's scheduling easy opponents. "If we play them on
Sunday, or Thursday, or perhaps Friday before sundown, they probably
beat us by three touchdowns. But on Saturday, their god is lazy. Our's
isn't." NOTRE
DAME LOSES TO
STANFORD
Stanford managed the impossible, scoring two TDs against Notre Dame
during one goal line possession. Mike Pereira, the former vice
president of officiating for the NFL and current rules analyst for Fox
Sports, gave his interpretation of the call on his Twitter account:
Pereira stated: "We have looked at ND/STA last play from every angle
& feel that it is a TD. Progress was not ruled & runner
was not down. Ball broke plane." He then added: "Piece all the
shots
together. Field level shot from inside near the goal post shows the
left elbow is not down before TD."
Pereira also noted: "The fact that the whistle may or may not have been
blown is irrelevant. The play is reviewed and when the whistle blew has
no bearing."
Lew Holts
expressed his sadness for
the blown call, "I am sad because it invalidates Notre Dame's place in
the MNC game and would invalidate a perfect season should Alabama's
plane crash."
SANCTIONS
HIT MIAMI AS THEY
LOSE TO SHITTY TEAM
Notre Dame beat Miami
41-3, showing
that the sanctions are really hurting Miami.
Nevin Shapiro's actions with the Hurricanes resulted in Miami being put
on probation and losing scholarships. Until today, it had been assumed
that Shapiro was a Miami booster. Not true, NotreDameSucks.org has
learned. Shapiro is a good Italian name, so he is most likely Catholic.
The Irish flag is orange, white and green. Shapiro is seen wearing
these colors ubiquitously. And without the benefit of make up while in
prison, Shapiro's form has reverted back to his normal state.
NotreDameSucks.org acquired this prison photo of Shapiro from Ryan
O'Reilly. And since Shapiro is 5'5", he really is a leprechaun.
EVERYONE
LOSES; STADIUM
DOESN'T IMPLODE
Notre Dame beat Michigan 13-6, but both teams destroyed the public at
large, defeating their wish of death to the Notre Dame and Michigan
football teams by having the stadium implode. Both Notre Dame and
Michigan managed to continue their impressive 40 game winning streak
against the public at large, by somehow preventing stadium implosions.
"We've had 20 games in Michigan," stated Notre Dame AD Jack Swarbick.
"Given how rapidly their crappy cars fall apart, it is somewhat of a
miracle that Michigan Stadium hasn't collapsed, especially since they
only build things of crappy quality," he continued.
Michigan AD Dave BranDon replied, "We were too lazy to do structural
engineering, so we just dug a bowl and put seats in. Now let me get
back to helping wreck Blimpy Burger." Notre
Dame's Schedule Sucks
Not much else to say about the first three weeks. And I'm verbose. Restaurant
Stock Falls 80% in South Bend
Charlie Weiswas
fired in the typical quinqennial Notre Dame liturgy
where mediocrity is temporarily not accepted, where the ol' Gipper is
resurrected and every good Irish-Catholic boy dreams of a season that
ends with a winning season.
However, this round of delusional optimism has led to the devastation
of the South Bend, Indiana, fast food industry. The Dairy Queen has
faced their first unprofitable quarter in the past century, while Moe's
Southwest Grill is facing certain bankruptcy, according to our sources.
Other local fast food places such as Polito's Pizzeria has indicated
that their business is down substantially. "We're facing a decline of
95% of our lunch business and 87% of our dinner business."
Local eateries have formed an association to influence the choice of
Notre Dame's new coach, and trying to get Mark Mangino, the current
Kansas coach, hired as the new Irish coach.
Indiana Catholic churches
have
finished a successful autumn campaign to raise $18 million so
that Notre Dame can buy out the contracts of Charlie Weis and his
coaching staff.
While Hail Marys and rosary beads have been unsuccessful in turning
around the pathetic Notre Dame football team, it is hoped that the
infusion of cold, hard cash will turn around the Golden Domers.
When approached for comment, Pope Benedict XVI said "Uber was Sie
sprechen? Ich bin aus Deutschland.
Wir haben keine Idee welcher Fußball ist. Wir spielen nur
homosexuellen Fußball."
George
Leary Spruces Up
Resume
George Leary has decided
to continue lying on his resume, but only as it pertains to Notre Dame.
Leary said, "I would prefer staying in "Since UCF now has greater
marquee value than Notre Dame,"Orlando. Plus, I would really like to
win a bowl game sometime in my life."
NotreDameSucks.org
Breaks
Firing News
At NotreDameSucks.org, we
were the first to break the news of Charlie Weis' firing, breaking the
news almost a full year ahead of the firing. Here at
NotreDameSucks.org, we commit to staying ahead of the curve and
bringing you the pertinent Notre Dame news first.
Newsflash! Notre Dame still sucks!
Weis'
Coaching Explained
Charlie Weis' coaching
decisions finally have an explanation to them. Weis blew out his knee
earlier this season as his body weight was too much to bear for his
ligaments. Because doctors refused to operate on Weis because he is a
lawsuit waiting to happen, his only alternative was to pop painkillers.
Our reports have information that Weis has been popping so many
Vicodins and Oxycontins that he has become addicted to opiates that
have caused his coaching decisions to become even more questionable.
Notre
Dame Shows Up Early for SC game
Notre Dame got confused
and showed up early for the game against the Trojans on Saturday,
getting into a pre-game fight with the Trojans. This shows the type of
classy programs run by the epitome of class, Charlie Weis. Notre Dame
left the field without incident and left the field with 28 minutes
before the game, and were similarly tame during the actual game.
NotreDameSucks.org
Report: Weis to be Fired
NotreDameSucks.org has
learned from sources that Charlie Weis will be fired after the imminent
loss to Southern California this Saturday.
The issue of a massive severance should not be an issue, as Notre
Dame's endowment has invested large amounts in South Bend area food
services companies, and has avoided the downturn that other enterprises
have faced in this troubling economic climate.
Weis expressed displeasure about this decision, saying that he was
worried about "eating healthy," and that stress causes him "not to eat
enough."Weis,
475 lbs., replaced Ty Willingham several years ago. His replacement has
not been named, but it is expected to be Skip Holtz, Lew Holtz' son.
Notre
Dame's Appearance at Caroline's Successful
Notre
Dame's latest home game against
Syracuse was held in the legendary comedy club Caroline's
on Saturday. And in the spirit of the venue, the Notre Dame squad did
not disappoint. They induced laughter from most everyone, losing 24-23
to the hapless Syracuse Orange, who are no longer Orangemen, but simply
fruits. Notre
Dame Loses Snowball Fight Notre Dame got into a
snowball fight with its "fans" on Saturday and lost. Notre Dame made
the mistake of basing its aerial attack on the wisdom of Charlie Weis
and the arm of Jimmy Claussen. Given that their opponents were drunken
fans who were completely uncoordinated, they stood no chance. This
upset several Notre Dame players, who challenged their own students to
fights.
Notre
Dame Beats 1st Team with Winning Record
Notre
Dame has beaten up on nothing but patsies this year. ND has wins
against teams with a cumulative 18-46 record. The NotreDameSucks.org
winning strategy of taking ND against teams with losing records on the
moneyline has been very successful, like Charlie at an all-you-can-eat
buffet. The winning team? Navy. And ND almost blew that.
Weis
to Take Over Playcalling, Again
Charlie
Weis has decided to take over offensive playcalling duties, citing
Navy's "really easy defense." He also mentioned that the timing, coming
off a shut out by Boston College would set him up for nothing but
success.
Weis
to Be Fired Soon
“I am very pleased
with the progress we have made,” Jack Swarbrick told
NotreDameSucks.org on Wednesday. “We are moving in the right
direction.” Obviously, a vote of confidence in the world of
sports precedes one thing: a new coach. Apparently, the progress they
have made is in finding a new coach and that this represents the
correct direction for Notre Dame.
BC
stands for Better Catholics
Boston College shut out
Notre Dame on Saturday, proving that they are better Catholics than
Notre Dame. Notre Dame jumped out to a 0-3 deficit when BC
kicked
a FG to open the scoring. Perennial Heistman candidate Jimmy Claussen
connected with Eagle Paul Anderson on a 76 yard interception return
that added to Notre Dame's deficit, and another BC TD sealed the deal.
Boston College is now even in the all-time series with Notre Dame.
Wannstedt
outcoaches someone
It took several years,
but Dave Wannstedt managed to outcoache someone. All it took was
patience and the wisdom to let Weis lose a game. Featuring wonderful
playcalls where Charlie Weis went for it on 4th down with under a
minute to go in a tie game, Notre Dame was lucky to get to overtime,
where they managed to lose.
Notre Dame showed its incompetence in other areas besides football, as
their sprinklers went off. Granted, ND needed the help of the elements,
but since God isn't on their side, perhaps their groundskeeping crew
was. Head groundskeeper Rudy Ruettiger had no comment when asked about
the sprinklers going off, but he just started chanting "Rudy, Rudy,
Rudy" for no good reason.
Win over Washington Helps
Notre Dame's Racists
Notre Dame's win over hapless Washington helped racists in the Notre
Dame nation justify firing Ty Willingham. Despite Notre Dame giving
Weis an extension for lesser results than Ty Willingham achieved over
the same time period and refusing to fire Weis despite the same amount
of futility over the same period, some Notre Dame fans refuse to see
the reality of things in black and white. Notre Dame plays winning
team and loses. Again.
Despite the
best attempt of referees to hand
Notre Dame a win, North Carolina defeated Notre Dame. Notre Dame hasn't
beaten North Carolina on the road in 34 years. Notre Dame beats Bad
Stanford Team
Notre Dame
beat Stanford 28-21 to give their
fans the illusion of being a decent team. Those who realize that
Stanford is another crappy team that Notre Dame was fortunate to
schedule know otherwise. Notre Dame, in a rare bit of wisdom by
pollsters, is not ranked.
Notre Dame beats Bad
Purdue Team
Notre
Dame beat Purdue 38-21 to give their fans the illusion of being a
decent team. Those who realize that Purdue is another crappy team
that Notre Dame was fortunate to schedule know otherwise. This win
confirms what we already knew: Indiana is a basketball state, not a
football state.
Notre Dame Destroyed by
Sparty
The annual
payback for Notre Dame's arrogance
continued with the consistency of an annuity as Michigan State
embarrassed Notre Dame 23-7. Pregame plans to plant a pot of gold at
midfield in the rare event of a Notre Dame win were postponed until
2016.
Doctors refuse to operate
on Weis
Doctors
refuse to operate on Charlie Weis, despite a problem with his ACL, MCL,
gastrointestinal system and his metabolism.
Certain doctors refused to operate on Weis citing worries that Charlie
Weis was nothing but a lawsuit waiting to happen, as his previous
stomach reduction surgery resulted in lawsuits despite Weis following
doctors' orders.
Other doctors refused to operate on Weis, citing that they were not
marine biologists, but doctors, and it was inappropriate for them to
operate on whales.
Notre Dame Wins Bowl
Unfortunately,
the "Asshole Coaches Bowl" is
one of those informal bowls, so it won't stop Notre
Dame from breaking their bowl losing streak. Coach Weis beat Coach Dick
Rodriguez' team, 35-17. Fans cheering for the earthquake left
disappointed in the result.
Notre Dame Struggles
Against Pathetic SDSU
Notre
Dame struggled against a SD State team that showed Notre Dame how they
could be beaten by beating themselves in a 21-13 borefest on Saturday.
This victory resulted in Notre Dame moving up from #1 in the AP poll to
#1+++. Weis
Guarantees No Bowl Loss This Year
Charlie Weis in his post
game press conference boldly predicted that Notre Dame would end its
streak of losing bowl games this season. In a speech reminiscent of
Joey Porter or Javorskie Lane guaranteeing victories, Charlie Weis said
that losing bowl games was not acceptable and said "The buck stop
here," pointing at himself.
When reporters questioned Weis whether a buck was referring to venison
or some type of food, Weis surprisingly said it did not and said he was
not pointing at his stomach.
Another reporter, who thought Weis was pointing at his wallet, thought
he was referring to the insane contract that Notre Dame gave Weis.
After the confusion was cleared up, Weis reiterated his lofty guarantee.
Notre
Dame Sublets Season to Baylor Bears
Notre Dame was supposed
to play USC today, but the Tarnished Domers pulled a fast, getting a
superior team to play in their stead. While the strategy of getting a
superior team to play for you is sound, it did not work. USCdestroyed
Notre Dame at Waco in South
Bend 38-0.
Others have criticized Notre Dame's decision on ethical grounds, saying
their desire to be someone besides Notre Dame, while understandable, is
fraudulent. Charlie Weis put down his video camera to respond: "It is a
question of tradition. Notre Dame has a proud tradition of changing.
We've changed our name to the Fighting Irish from the Terriers. There
is no reason not to change to Baylor. Even though most of our fans
claim three dozen championships, nobody was alive to remember any of
them."
The
New Notre Dame team playing Texas.
Boston
College: the Mother Superior of
Catholic Schools
Boston College continued its dominance as the best Catholic university
playing BCS division football.
Notre
Dame hasn't beaten Boston College in seven years, and Boston College
has the superior record over the past decade. Boston College has
actually won a bowl game during that time as well.
BC
won easily despite the home-cooking, which penalized BC
disproportionately. Boston College remains perfect at 7-0. Notre Dame
is a perfect 0-3 at home.
Boston
College's domination was recognized by His Holiness, Pope Benedictus
XVI in a message to Boston College:
"Boston Contraho est melior quam Notre
Dame.
Notre Dame ledo mihi."
Bud
Light: Real Men of Genius - Hopeless ND
fan
Eat
One For the Gipper
The body of Gipper the Pig, a prize winning sow, was exhumed from an
Indiana pet cemetery on Oct. 4, to follow up on a claim by Charlie Weis
that they may be the owner of the pig. A sample of baby back ribs was
taken, and Gipper was reburied on the same day.
A blue-ribbon sow for the Holts family, Gipper was slaughtered in 2007.
The sow was then slowly pit-smoked in the ground, or "buried in the
cemetery" as locals describe it. Charlie Weis, who authorized the
exhumation said Thursday in a statement, "The eating of the body of the
Gipper is of personal and private interest to our family and plumber.
Please respect our wishes to keep this matter private."
Booster
Admits to Steering Recruits to Irish
"Kuechenberg helped steer a pair of highly touted offensive line
recruits to Notre Dame from St. Thomas Aquinas High School near his
home in Florida and never received so much as a thank you from Weis.
"“I was very proud of my little role in influencing
that,”
Kuechenberg said. “You would think, it’s not like
my name
is Jack Jones. It’s not like he hasn’t heard of me.
I spent
15 years in the big leagues. My feelings were hurt on that, and then
all this now. He’s getting what he has earned.” Boston
Globe Story
Notre
Dame Rises to #3 in the Polls
After
the impressive win
against UCLA and with many ranked teams getting upset on Saturday,
Notre Dame skyrocketed to #3 in the polls. This caused much
controversy. Irish fans were upset because they felt that ND should be
ranked higher, citing that polls should reflect recent history. As ND
student Ronald Gipp said, "Why aren't we ranked higher? Everyone who
talks about our early season is concentrating on the past. You can't
talk about the past. Notre Dame fans never talk about the past."
"Gutcheck
Saturday" Dooms Bruins
ESPN's
description of this Saturday's games as Gutcheck Saturday destroyed any
hopes of a Bruin victory and the chances of a perfect season for Notre
Dame.
ESPN's marketing wing came up with the brilliant idea of labeling
today's games in order to come up with more viewers, but
NotreDameSucks.org has discovered suspicious activity suggesting this
was a convenient coincidence.
Once Gutcheck Saturday was announced, ND simply looked at the
massive gut on Charlie Weis and knew they were going to win. The years
of hard work, sacrifice of his body and persistence in eating developed
by Weis allowed his gut to also develop. And with that Notre Dame was
able to beat a UCLA team that missed their starting QB and was the
victim of several questionable calls.
It
Ain't Basketball, But What the Hell
Purdue
beat Notre Dame 33-19 to prove in-state superiority of football.
Charlie Weis refused to allow reporters into the locker room, but
commented that: "We're 0-1, because we started a new season. Besides,
basketball has always been more important than football in Indiana. We
decided to allocate our practice time to practicing free throws. When I
was in the NFL, we could spend as much time practicing as we wanted. We
can't do that in college."
Notre
Dame Continues Perfect Season
Notre
Dame took a 7-0
lead against Michigan State and never looked back in routing Sparty as
Notre Dame cruised to an easy 31-14 loss against Michigan State.
Notre Dame continued their offensive mastery as Heisman Trophy winner
to be Jimmy Clausen did not throw an interception, while his
counterpart Brian Hoyer threw one. This further shows the development
of quarterbacks that Charlie Weis is known for.
And while Ty Willingham had a blemished 3-1 mark at this point in his
third season, Weis has managed to keep a perfect 0-4 mark. Rumors have
been swirling around South Bend that Notre Dame is on the verge of
extending Weis' contract out until 2021.
Willingham
to Blame for ND Denying Jones
Transfer
Kevin White, Notre Dame athletic director indicated that Charlie Weis
had nothing to do with denying Jones a transfer to Northern Illinois.
In fact, Weis has denied having anything to do with the Notre Dame
program since early August.
Notredamesucks.org is proud to break the story that Ty Willingham is
indeed to blame for Jones being lied to. Since discovering that Weis
had nothing to do with Notre Dame since August, the responsibility with
Notre Dame football obviously results with the true coach before Weis,
Ty Willingham. Did Willingham sign the papers releasing Jones from
Notre Dame? No.
Willingham needs to stop interfering with Notre Dame by becoming more
involved. And given his success at Washington, he should have the time
to spend on lesser programs like Notre Dame.
The
Ghosts of Notre Dame Show Up
Being a proud program, Notre Dame is able to conjur ghosts of the past,
using their history to intimidate opponents. Today was another one of
those days.
Using renowned psychic Uri Geller, Notre Dame was able to literally
raise the dead in order to help them against Michigan. Geller, who was
unfamiliar with football raised the spirit of Notre Dame coach Gerry
Faust.
When confronted with the fact that Faust was not yet dead, Geller
argued that "You are not spiritual enough! Notre Dame's play was
reminiscient of 58-7, and I don't even know what that means!"
Notre
Dame Continues to Roll At Michigan
Charlie
Weis showed his
genius once again by showing how brilliant his game plan was against
Penn State, which kept things much closer than this week.
Notre Dame showed itself to be too ambitious, attempting complex
offensive strategies with little chance of success. Yet Charlie Weis
would not be deterred, calling these intricate plays over and over,
with the expectation that Notre Dame should be able to execute these
incredibly difficult plays where other professional teams could not.
However, ND still had problems executing difficult plays like shotgun
snaps. It was obviously a problem with Ty Willingham's recruits.
Ty Willingham's recruits were too overmatched with Weis' brilliant
decision to install the fumblerooski offense. Where Weis' recruits
would eventually score 5 TDs, the careless recruiting of Willingham led
to 5 fumbles in the first half as Notre Dame lost another squeaker 38-0
to Michigan.
Notre Dame continues its streak towards perfection next week against
Michigan State. Will Notre Dame score an offensive touchdown this
season?
Charlie
Weis Stops Stealing Signals
Weis
admitted yesterday
that Notre Dame had been stealing defensive signals, but had stopped
stealing signals this year in accordance with various local religious
customs.
Weis said "I don't think our offense will suffer from no longer
stealing signs."
Demetrius
Jones Transfers to Northern Illinois
QB
Demetrius Jones
transfers to Northern Illinois. Apparently, Jones was unhappy with
Weis' hogging all the donuts at the Notre Dame breakfast trough. When
asked to comment, Weis simply responded by pointing to his mouth that
apparently was chewing food.
Jones is the second QB to transfer from ND this year. Apparently, young
recruits get upset when they discover Charlie Weis has been lying to
them. Evan Sharpley is expected to transfer in several weeks.
Not unsurprisingly, Jones was black, which leads to greater questions
about racism at Notre Dame.
Notre
Dame Dominates Penn State
Notre
Dame grabbed three first half turnovers against an overmatched Penn
State this past weekend, and cruised to a 31-10 loss against the
Nittany Lions.
Led by outstanding freshman Jimmy Clausen, ND fought against a Nittany
Lion defense that football expert Pat Hayden knew was easier than
Georgia Tech. Hayden's expertise was proven true, as Notre Dame easily
matched their offensive output that they had against Georgia Tech that
they had against Penn State early in the game.
Notre Dame dominated other facets of the game as well. Inspired from a
pre-game talk by golfer Tiger Woods, the ND rushing attack shot an even
par, winding up with 0 yards rushing.
The Notre Dame rushing attack was not the only place where the Irish
dominated. Notre Dame's punting was superb, and was much better than
the Nittany Lion punting. The Notre Dame punting game averaged over 45
yards per punt.
The only question mark in this season with offensive genius Charlie
Weis was whether the defense would match up to the offense. In two
games, the defense has scored more points than the ND offense. It seems
as though the only question mark between Notre Dame and their NCAA
record 33rd national championship has been solved.
Notre Dame faces an overmatched Michigan next week.
Notre
Dame
proves Weis an Offensive Genius
Notre Dame opened up the 2007 season
with an
offensive explosion against those helpless heathens, Georgia Tech.
Notre Dame starting QB Demetrius Jones surpassed career highs in
completions and passing yardage today as Notre Dame lost in a close
game to Georgia Tech. Jones also played error-free ball, throwing no
interceptions.
ND also showed a deep stable of quarterbacks. ND went to Evan Sharpley
who was impressive, completing over 75% of his passes. Showing the same
commitment to playing error free ball that Charlie Weis emphasizes,
Sharpley threw zero interceptions.
Weis decided to let Georgia Tech get accustomed to playing the Notre
Dame offensive juggernaut before putting future Heisman winner Jimmy
Clausen into the fray. Clausen responded with perfection. He matched
Jones' performance in setting new career highs in completions and yards
passed, and tied his career high in TD passes. Like Sharpley, he
completed over 80% of his passes.
Notre Dame travels to Penn State next week.
NFL
Ignores Weis, Again
The NFL showed what they thought of Charlie Weis' football knowledge by
drafting Brady Quinn #22 overall, well below where Charlie Weis had
been pushing for.
The whoring by Charlie Weis was responsible for Cleveland Browns fans
to begin "Don't Draft Brady Quinn" websites, because they feared Weis
would convince the Browns to draft him with the Browns first selection.
They should know that the only ones that need to fear Charlie Weis are
donuts.
Pope
Decommits From Notre Dame
Pope
Benedict decommited from Notre Dame before signing with Boston College,
further decimating Notre Dame's recruiting class.
Benedict, a placekicker, gained his experience playing soccer in
Germany. He was ranked as a 2 star recruit.
After hearing the news, Charlie Weis went to Krispy Kreme. Then, he
went to McDonald's. Then he commented to ESPN that he asked the Pope if
he knew what commitment was, after he did the same to Little.
Then Notre Dame lured several players away from other schools.
Notre
Dame
victim of Gov't New Orleans Recovery Plan
Notre
Dame football
suffered another embarrassing defeat at the hands of a bowl opponent
yesterday. Ordinarily, this is the normal case of affairs, as Notre
Dame has a long history of ineptitude in bowl games.
However, the 2007 Sugar Bowl finds Notre Dame as the victim of forces
it could not control, even though Notre Dame is the only institution
that can control every situation. Notre Dame was the victim of a
conspiracy to ensure that Louisiana-based teams perform well in sports
in order to aid recovery from Hurricane Katrina.
The New Orleans Saints have seen a turnaround from being the worst team
in the NFL to being one of the top teams in the NFL. Now we have the
best college football team to ever play between the lines losing to a
team from Louisiana? This conspiracy is almost too obvious to think
that it is real. But it is, and Notre Dame's embarrassing loss is not
their fault.
It is not the fault of Charlie Weis idiotically calling a fake punt
inside his own territory. Obviously, the CIA was using some sort of
technology to interrupt communications between the coaching staff and
the players. It was not because Brady Quinn threw interception after
interception - it was because of optical technologies that were
employed to make purple and yellow look like blue and gold.
Let us hope that New Orleans will recover from Katrina, but what's good
for Notre Dame is good for America - just ask Notre Dame. And because
of this, these conspiracies must end.
Notre
Dame
Continues to Set NCAA Football Records
Notre Dame, in a game that will surely see them propelled atop the BCS
standings, set a NCAA football record that surely won't be broken in
the near future.
Taking advantage of timely coaching strategies to fake a punt, Notre
Dame quickly got into the position they are so used to, by graciously
letting LSU take the lead.
They then countered a missed FG and several poorly executed plays by
LSU by throwing interceptions and getting blown away on the line of
scrimmage. After letting LSU take advantage of their porous secondary,
Notre Dame had all the ingredients for their record setting performance.
9 straight bowl losses indicates how great Notre Dame football is.
Recipe
for
Notre Dame Cookies
Notre Dame Cookies are a culinary delicacy, first created with the
establishment of the college football Bowl Championship Series. The
Series, or BCS, established a framework which permitted the Notre Dame
Fighting Irish to be invited to participate in major bowl games despite
not having the record, nor the talent, to justify this participation. (more)
